Congratulations, you are going to college! You have passed your exams, packed up your belongings, purchased an alarming amount of Super Noodles and now you are pumped for the next chapter of your life. But first, it is time for the ultimate lucky dip – who will you be living with?
1. The Slob
We’re all guilty of letting our dirty dishes pile up a little, or only remembering to vacuum before guests come over. The Slob will see your small transgressions and raise you 3+ years of domestic sin. The floor is their wardrobe, the kitchen their petri dish, and they think ‘the washing machine’ is an indie band from the 90’s. Arm yourself with a box of detergent and a nose peg, and prepare to discover new life forms.
2. The Neat Freak
It doesn’t matter if it’s 7AM and you’ve just pulled an all-nighter to finish that assignment, if there’s so much as a crumb on the carpet, they will vacuum it. The Neat Freak will make your entire dorm smell like a Febreze factory, and to leave an innocent mug in the sink is to risk incurring their wrath. Take a deep breath, and be ready for an abundance of scatter cushions and passive-aggressive post-it notes.
3. The Party Animal
Whether they’re stumbling through the door at 5AM or turning your living space into a make-shift night club, you can always rely on them to disrupt your sleep cycles. A nocturnal creature, The Party Animal survives on a diet of vodka and take-out, and is seemingly immune to the effects of a hangover. Whether you find their lifestyle appealing or bewildering, you should definitely invest in a decent pair of ear plugs.
4. The Hermit
They’ll be in when you leave, and they’ll still be in when you return. The Hermit is rarely seen in the outside world, choosing to forfeit social interaction in favour of Netflix and literal chilling. They never seem to attend lectures, yet infuriatingly still manage to have better grades than you. You may judge them a little, but let’s face it; every student wishes they could just hide away from their responsibilities sometimes, so can you really blame them?
5. The Friend
The best of the bunch, and not to be taken for granted. The Friend will enhance your living experience, sharing food, chores, advice and, if you’re lucky, assignment tips. They’ll make your dorm feel like home, and you the envy of everyone living with a Slob, a Neat Freak, a Party Animal or a Hermit. Above all else, they’ll be someone you can live with in harmony. What more could you ask for?
Written by Rachel Holmes
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